It's not like I haven't KNOWN that it was happening. I've been well aware of the fact that the life, formerly known as mine, spun way out of my reach long ago.
It feels like I haven't had a real grip on my own life since .... oh ... before I left for college. Not that I wasn't having fun and being a successful human being, but everything was going fast and furiously, and I just couldn't catch up to my own life. I know, it seems sort of weird, and almost whiney. But trust me, I'm not whining.
Then I had the kids, and whew, doesn't life get crazy then? I spent every ounce of energy focused on their needs and wants. Which is extremely exhausting. So, on the first day of school, my first day in 8 1/2 years without a baby at home, I looked at my self and went "holy shit, who the hell am I? what the hell am I doing here?" And I decided to get a grip.
I let my body get out of control so long ago I forgot what potential it had. And I missed it. So I am working on getting back my physical well being. It ain't easy. By any means. Hell, I lived a life of excess food and minimal effort for too long. But, it's a CHOICE that I MADE and am choosing to live every day. It's all in my control. It may actually be the only thing I can control right now, so I am relishing in that.