Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Deep breaths, it will get better, right?

So, confession...

I am slipping big time. My eating is okay. I am not consuming ginormous amounts of calories, but I'm having some pretty severe cravings. I have taken myself off gluten for a while to see if that helps my stomach problems. Besides, it's a real easy way to cut out unnecessary carbs. Just follow the "no wheat" rule. But I am craving chocolate like mad. I just want to eat to eat.

Pretty sure that it's a result of my stress. THe kids are home from school now which is great because I like being with them. But our schedule is a mess. And my tongue.

A month ago I went to the dentist for a "no big deal" procedure...a filling repair...
Apparently I had the worst dentist on the planet as a child, we never got novacaine for fillings. No big, I learned to deal with it. I thought this was the case with all dentists. So I am laying back in the dentist chair, and am told that I will be getting a local anesthetic. Cool. Will make this a less traumatic experience. I close my eyes, relax. They even had a massaging chair!! Awesome! Then I felt a weird sensation, and another. I looked up to see metal being shoved into my mouth...apparently a needle. Which really skeeved me out. I'd never had that before and the sensation it created was awful. But I got over it, got the procedure done, and went home.

Four hours go by...I still don't feel my tongue. No big, I bet it will be better in the morning. Twenty-four hours go by...still no feeling. Now it's been over a month...and I still have no taste on the majority of my tongue, a horrible sensation, like burnt, or burning, on the top, and am constantly biting it. Once in a while I get a really awesome feeling like needles are being shoved in there. I saw a neurologist who believes that the feelings will come back, eventually.

So, bottom line, I'm sort of depressed, or stressed about it I guess. It's a constant sense of unpleasentness. It feels bad almost all the time. And, when I feel bad, I want to eat, to repress those real deep bad feelings. I know this, consciously. So, why can't I consciously tell myself to get over it?

I haven't been running consistently. I say that it's because it's too hot. And the kids are home. And...yadda. I'm making excuses. Bottom line is that I need to get up at 5 and go out before it's hot, right? But every morning I hit the snooze. I beg Quinn to go for a stroller ride (jogging stroller-not easy-I won't go far, but it's something, right?)- but she always throws a fit.

I feel myself slipping a bit backwards and I need to stop. Right now.

This is where I feel this blog will help. Keep me accountable.